(Subway is S**T! I spent £5 there thinking it would be good comfort food...WRONG! I don't feel gross or full! Where's the greasy stuff!)
The longer I go without getting that first credit(7months now), the more crucial the next audition becomes, the more desperate I get, the more I have to fool myself that I am not desperate to get the part, the more I have to attempt to fool myself that I do believe in myself. What I'm referring to is "getting the part".
(the hours spent of hard work, all the research on your mobile phone and computer, pictures, notes, quotes, references all now there to be deleted).
The tube journey routine begins, me sighing every six seconds, this is quickly interrupted with school children on a school trip so I begin to say all these swear words-naughty words-foul/vulgar/you get the picture words in my head to the point I have a headache. The tube journey also consists of me imagining the perfect audition, delivering the lines how I want them to be delivered, the director and casting director smiling and nodding and wanting to know about me....if only that was the case today and not the complete opposite. And now this dude has come sat next to me and taken up all the leg room and arm room FOR F**K SAKE!
(And I had to shave aswell! I don't have much facial hair but the tiny bit I have feels good, looks good, now I just feel and look like an alien.)
My hood from my hoodie now becomes my mask, If only it was a boulder that I could crawl under...
P.S. The worst thing is, I don't think like I can talk to anyone about this as the people I'd go to talk to are doing extremely well and either haven't got time or haven't gone through this patch as mine. Funny thing is after loosing out to one of the parts of my dream in December, a tiny bit of me, when I was finally getting over that, didn't think life could get much worse, well boy I was wrong. *Waits for phonecall from biological father who you don't live with to tell you, it may be worth finding something else to do with life, just incase(most likely in his eyes) that this doesn't work out...*
