Never felt so close...

Lying on bed, just spoken to agent and I think I'm going to get dropped "to discuss where things go one from here" have a meeting with them in a few weeks. My heart is beating uncontrollably fast and hard against my chest.

A couple of months ago, or if this was a movie I'd cry, but for some reason, I just feel a coldness. I envisioned this moment happening in nightmares and look it's happening. I take phone and laptop and begin to deactivate my Facebook, delete my twitter and Instagram accounts, don't even know why, I guess it's my attempt to escape . Then I come to you, my blog....the only person I sometimes feel I can talk to without holding anything back... The irony of that statement due to the fact I'm talking to myself and I then post a link so whoever who wants to see it can...

My last blog post spoke out me seeing some light and begging for it not to disappear on me... I guess it did disappear.

Aaah man.... We give our lives to something we love for it to only be the thing that kills us on in the end....

"I always fantasize if I had went to college instead
Would I be happily married instead of broke and unwed?
My nigga made a major move I said I hope for the best
I told my sister as I kissed her cheek I’m better off dead
Fucking with this white, it’s all been downhill like a sled
Now listen, I understand they say you make your own bed
But tell me who supplied these sheets with this cheap ass thread
In denial about the feds, he can’t see past bread
Now do exactly what the man in the ski mask says, okay?
These are the times, survival my only crime
I gotta be on my grind, a lot of my homies gone
Inside of me Lord I know, it’s a lie that we gon' be fine
But momma I’m tired of crying, just lie to me one more time" Crunch Time - J. cole.

Quick Hope

Hoping this next week continues to be good, last week was soo good! Positive thinking! *fingers & toes crossed*

Light don't dim please... :)

So as I walk down a street Wandsworth with my earphones, music banging loud and a fat smile across my face, I realise that I'm happy, a feeling that had evaporated from my life for the last couple of months....

The renaissance stems from me being able to do the thing which I love to do..."act". I've often compared acting to my wife, when the relationship is stable and good, everything else is good, as the legendary rapper Nas would say "Life is Good".

So this week 8th - 13th I have been working on a short film produced by Latimere Films for the charity Tender( "Tender is a charity that works to promote healthy relationships based on equality and respect"). The experience of working on a short film, with such a professional and talented cast and crew was rejuvenating. Also it being for charity was a blessing in disguise. I also had an audition which I'm waiting to hear back from, didn't want to enclose that, I always have this feeling of if I don't tell anyone about an audition my luck will be nicer to me, but the audition also contributed to the week been such a good one.

I think after all these months of disappointment and stress, it just felt really good to be happy again and I know this is the life of most actors, but that doesn't make it any easier... So yeah I see some light, lets hope it doesn't disappear again.

Love x