I Dream more when I'm awake than when I'm asleep

 
Prologue: People sometimes get the impression having an agent if you do acting or having a label if your in a band or singer is the breakthrough like the big moment, like your raise to stardom, well let me tell you something...ITS NOT!! My Idelogy which I created myself  is Not having an agent or a label is like being born prematurely and having an agent is like being born on time. There's not a massive difference your both born, you both still have to learn how to walk and talk etc, you both still have to put in hard work.

26th May 2011, another audition, today's one for a drama. Routine for audition day, wake up have a fat ass breakfast, watch drakes documentary "Better Than Good enough"(cause that shits inspiring to me) shower, voice exercises, prayer and off to the audition.

When I get to the audition I like to get there early, there's this stereotype that black people are always late(LOL)..I break the stereotype in todays case I done more than break the stereotype(got there two hours early) but yeah get to the  audition room, and it's that waiting process now, never really been to an audition where they're running on time so your always waiting, depending on how organised they are sometimes they have like a receptionist or someone to that equivalent apologising for the delay,  you get to a stage where you start seeing familiar faces from previous auditions or tv shows, get used to seeing parents "fixing" their kids, girlfriends/boyfriends with their partner who's auditioning, the kid that's extremely nervous cause it's their first ever audition, the extremely confident and almost vain looking dude sitting down trying to maintain a Hollywood smile just in case their looking for a new zac effron, and not to forget the broken air con so its pretty much always hot, its repetitive this process but you get used to it.

Get into the audition now and the way I've always approached them is to just be yourself really, like show them me, the nice person that people say I am, the charm(lol) well I say always approached them that but thats so hard. Like its hard and alot of the times I don't do that and I reckon thats what lets me down, cause casting directors and assisant directors are looking for not only the right person but also someone thats going to be a breath of fresh air on set, they dont want a complete dick whose too relaxed or a bum suck and I reckon were most people fail in the audition room too yeah the look is alot but its like 75% of it the other 10% on your look on the character, and 15% is what your personality brings to the table.

Sometimes its easy just to be in an audition room and be a bumsuck without even knowing I'm being one, the whole enviouriment of it being an audition and it possibly being my lucky break to almost start my career. The thing you want so much, that you breathe, eat, sleep and even shit about. To be able to start this career that I've always dreamed of, working with people I see as idols and inspire to achieve the things they have and even go beyond that, achieve Oscars, BAFTA's, Cannes Film Festival Awards. The dream of being able to give my mum the things she's always wanted and couldn't have, like I dream of taking my mum to westfilds and buying out the whole LV, Gucci,Prada, Swarvoski store (LOL) I say my mum but I mean my whole family, but my mum so much, I think she's so strong, definatley the strongest person I know male or female she got the skirt but would put on the trousers if needed, & she's sick too but to think she still works her ass off for us to get what we wanted, I think thats incredible wanting to make someone so happy. shes one of the few people who loves me I think uncodinationally & I reckon one day to be able to give her everything she dreams of would be....(speechless)  It gets emotional because I want it so bad, like I'd be a liar if I told you I have never doubted I'd make it, being dropped from projects is crazy, not getting the part, audition after audition, how many times can the human mind take rejection? Like I say I'm doing this for me cause it's what i want to do but not only for me because I know what It could it for others.

People that support me like people supporting me(dont mean like a fan) but just someone geuinley supporting another person is like wow, for you to believe in someone elses dream is beautiful one of the most beautiful things ive seen in life. reckon loads of people say they want something but dont actually want it if that makes sense, they say they believe in it but dont actually believe in it,they say they feel it but have never felt it, and I'm saying all these things in relation to what they want to be or do, in my case acting, so for someone to see it in you is deep.

There's a certain level of insanity necessary for greatness. All pioneers were once considered delusional at some point. <<Yup thats me, I dream more when I'm awake than when I'm asleep. There was like so much emotions running through zee mind in this post I wonder if it even makes any sense, cba to check it, its a freestyle

So this post is finished now, you gonna laugh?

Random Post....Felt like a mix between Martina Cole, Jackie Collins and Gandhi

So today's the 20th and I released these notes I used to keep on my phone to the world, the feedback was amazing, a lot of people felt they could relate to it and shit, how they had been inspired in different ways(felt like Gandhi), thats dope for me cause when I started writing these things they were purely for me on how I felt didnt ever think anyone could really relate and then  because I was bored on the tube,train,bus or because I waiting for someone and also because I wanted to write down these feelings instead of keeping all this shit in my head cause believe it or not sometimes it gets too much(lol) and writing shit down does help(never thought I'd say that) sound like some depressed kid lol.

This post is probably the weirdest one of all and it might not relate to as many people as the others, but have you ever felt like your career that you have chosen in my case acting, really don't wanna use this word but can't think of any others but distracts your social life or even has a grapple on it. Like your so busy with this dream and working on it in different ways that you can't always give people as much love and attention they want, weather it be your girlfriend/boyfriend or friend or even some cases family members, and they just don't understand when you try to explain to them?

I have this very problem now, where I be liking this girl alot, and there was a time where she was liking me but she said I didn't show her enough interest or didn't seem interested some ish like that, But that's never been the case she just didn't understand how busy I was, sometimes I get the impression no one does,and now she all loved up with someone....crap ass feeling cause I don't see myself with anyone else For now anyway, probably looks like a pretty weird ass and shit ass post but I feel like I needed to talk to someone at this moment in time and I came to you. Take a look at celebs they tend to be dating someone in and around the industry very few have succesfully had a relationship with someoene who is not in the industry, why? "were in two seperate worlds" "ours jobs clash" the execuse and reasons go on and on...Lol looking all love sick, but this kind of brings up the question can you only be in a serious relationship with someone who is in or around the same industry as you? Or can you naturally expect someone to just understand what your trying to do?

And sex gets boring too, when your constantly just fucking not even people you have feelings for but, just F-U-C-King weather it be slow sex or rough hardcore sex, her riding and screaming your name, asking for it harder and harder, her telling you to stop it hurts too much(not bragging lol) but it gets boring...that awkward moment when it's done and your putting your clothes on and she's on the bed lying down or in the bathroom...the awkward convo "okay, I'm gone" "nice meeting you" "don't tell no one" "that was mad" it gets repetitive. None of the lying on the bed side by side looking into each others eyes with the bed quilt sitting on your chest, holding hands none of that titanic romantic shit because you have no feelings for each other and after the sex you just want to get up and go, get the train,tram,car or bus and just go home...

I doubt this post is like beneficial to anyone or if anyone feels the same or whatever, but I guess the way I kind of look at things is work now have fun later? I use that saying but I lie at the same time cause I have loads of fun now lol....but like I asked earlier isit possible to be in a relationship with someone who is not in same position/industry as you isit possible for you to keep all your friends original and new in chase of this dream?...expect to hear a million people blatantly say yes it is...but actually think about it, take longer than the usual second, and dont come up with an extremely cheesy answer.. anyway back to watching the movie Blue Velvet reccomended by a friend of mine check it out pretty good, but extremely weird...

Last Minute Swap,A Showcase, Best Hip Hop Concert Of My Life and the Departure of A Special Person

This week been busy as F**K sorry to swear was listening to Tyler, The Creator and felt the need to swear. So were on post what..4, 5, 6? I cant be bothered to hit the reload button and check? Loving it? No Your hating it probably, what would you have learn't from reading these blog posts...erm I'm a DREAMER very cheesy at time and I randomly put capital letters in words Because...I don't know yet, but let me get to this post...

So on monday 20/05/11 the beginning of this week I was expecting to be told I was being directed by Harley Cameron(amazing young director) for the play Croatons written by Lily Nichol(amazing young actor who can now write too..) No point in searching them on google 1)cause it's stalkerish and 2)cause they're not famous... YET!! But turned out I got a late transfer into another play called Pills written by Paige Fiddler being directed by Wilma Mukendi. The play is good don't get me wrong but I had a special connection with the play Croatons as I had an input(a scene has my dream inside it) and I really wanted to be directed by Harley Cameron as she's amazing and really knows her stuff and is so knowledgable on what she wants to do which is directing and is incredible when you look at how old she is(17). But I guess its not meant to be, in the sense were not meant to work together for now, but the director that I got now is basically exactly the same as Harley only difference is she's black and has weave cause she is Wilma Mukendi pretty amazing too, exactly the same so ahead of her time in the sense of knowledge she has for directing...Thinking about it they should get together and talk...could talk about talents this year has all day but each post will contain someone....we perform these plays in 8 weeks btw


Also this week went to see the showcase for the BRIT School Year 13. For those of you who dont know what a showcase is, its a showing of the best talent you the school, company, can offer and you invite a bunch of important people to see this from agencies, directors, casting directors and so on to view these people performing Monologues and Dualogues. They only pick "the best, la creme of la creme" so like 14 people out of 60 people...being in attendance and watching the year 13s being in the position I want to be next year was inspirational and nerve racking at the same time as I had someof my closest friends up thre and just hoped the would do so well. The show went well and today I found out some of them got approached by some of the top agents...*dreams of next year now*

Went to Wiz Khalifa concert was AMAZING best of concert been to..thought I'd put that in there..Hip Hop concerts are the best I'm telling you, its like a massive rave with cool family members.

Wrapping this up now today(20/05/11) a very special person who I have only known for 8 months was now departing from my life. Phil Gunderson aka Mr Muscle(he appeared in the advert) had been teaching at the BRIT School Theatre Department for 13 years teaching the likes of Ashley Thomas(Bashy), Ashley Madekwe, Nathan Stewart Jarret and many more. He had taught me so much in little time, as he was leaving he told me and this other boy Ben Colbourne "Your Gonna Make it" could be seen as him being nice, but when your in this industry and just me in  general you take things like that seriously and like i said in an earlier posts, praise and belief from other people is almost like a fuse that ignites this dream even more..its crazy but beautiful...

This post is probably turning and looking like genesis so I should really stop..well there's not much more I can think of so thats it for this posts, thanks for reading if you have.

Was looking forward to this one(Brand New Post)

Monday 16th May 2011, The day of the assessment. A Shakespeare assessment, a dualogue that me & the amazing Georgia James as i was saying in earlier blogs had rehearsed,the legendary act 2 scene 2 "Macbeth shall sleep no more". Yeah that one, dreamed  constantly of putting out and doing this amazing scene that would blow people's mind, well I guess today must of been the nightmare, because it didn't go as well as we dreamed of it.

It was just flat, and I didn't feel like I gave my best at all. That's the most annoying thing especially when you have worked so hard on it. Even though the audience seemed to enjoy it, us using KETCHUP as we couldn't get any fake blood the judges, the teachers(voice expert teachers) didn't, and I was shown that by the grade given to me. It's a situation where you think, if only they knew how hard I worked on it, if only they knew. One of those situations where you think to yourself, why am I even trying? Coming in an hour earlier than everyone else and leaving hours later just rehearsing and training...isit worth it? Do these people have a personal hate against me? Or do these people have extremely high expectations of me and expect me to be at a certain level and just want to push me. You begin to ask yourself all these questions and have mixed feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment. Anger at your grade and the teachers, frustration at your performance wanting to do it again and disapointment at the teachers not knowing and understanding how much work you put in, and disappointment in yourself.  But I guess this is the journey you chose, the risk you took, the contract you signed, agreeing with yourself of the setbacks you would meet on this journey, it's also you(me) overreacting, and if you think this is bad remember the day before you were supposed to shoot for the coca cola advert and you got dropped... It's a shit feeling but remember to look at all the positives and stop worrying about the negatives, and carry on learning.

Frustrated Post...

Post 3 of the Diary...Performance of zee Shakespeare Show

Wow so the Shakespeare season performance season is now over well at school, next time we perform it will be some time in June or July in Stratford Upon Avon home of Sir William Shakespeare.Its the 8th of May, and I havent payed my phone bill I’m a week late oops might cut me off need to call them don’t know why I have put that here lol.

But yeah we performed to a sold out capacity show on Wednesday 4th May 2011, at the Brit School Obie Theatre to an audience of 150 people…Wow, as an ensemble the performance was incredible like wow never been in a production as good as that, you could feel the energy and everyone giving their best. I was playing two characters, Lord Clifford and Saunder Simpcox, my first character required me to play as if I was disabled, through Rehersals this character was not working at all and last minute I decided to change it completely and although it was a risk it paied off incredibly I had embodied this character and was Saunder Simpcox the reaction was incredible I could feel it the laughs and everyone’s eyes 110% on the scene the chorous and on me, an extremely beautiful feeling coming off stage knowing you had nailed the scene especially after weeks of doing it and not working, like one of my directors said “you just pulled it out the bag”.

 The play was going fantastically incredible performances as an ensemble and as individual too, my second character Lord Clifford went well in most peoples eyes, to me it went really bad felt mechanical and fake like I wasn’t out of Simpcox yet to perform lord Clifford and as I delivered each line I felt like each line was being lost and I was trying to make the next one better and kept failing, it was an annoying feeling but the show had to go on. As I keep saying it was an amazing ensemble performances and some fantastic performances from Corey Montague Sholay who used to say he couldn’t act well and was only a BBC writer, boy was He wrong! Strong performance from him and I’m sure he turned alot of heads round lol we have a ben affleck on our cards, another great performance was by Sarah Vaughan she didn’t have a masive part and played 2 characters one a peasant called Bollingbroke and the other a rebel called Hume she was so phenemonal at this it seems so natural and easy to her it’s beautiful to watch good acting and she has that, shes someone on stage who might not be the first person you look at but once you look at her she is someone you will stare and watch for a long time and not forget her.She’s so amazing but does not know it ANNOYING but GOOD at the same time, depends actually but yeah Now Mr Andrew Crouch…Sir Andrew Crouch lol, remember the name and yes I have said it here and I can PROMISE you that this guy will be HUGE he is a breathtaking performer and on Wednesday 4th may he NAILED IT can’t put it in a better way there’s not much more I can say but that unless he says be doesn’t want to do this anymore he will be up there, can put my future earnings on it.

People left the theatre saying it was an amazing experience and amazing performance by an incredibly gifted cast, one with future stars and I can honestly believe this, remember I Said that this year is special, boy am I so confident I am right. Fridays show was surprisingly sold out again the show went better for me with one character but as a whole I still wasn’t happy, cause Simpcox then wasnt as good and Clifford was lol...but as an actor can you or should you ever be happy with a performance? But as a whole the performance felt like everyone was just getting through it, and it was our director Phil Gunderson Last ever directed show at BRIT SCHOOL so it was a special performance. As a said before the performance as on ensemble felt tired but individually one person that stood out for me was Hannah Caton, she had come in some critiscm due to her voice at times being rhythmatic and sounding very musical theatrish and before the show i was asking myself can she really do this? As she looked heartbroken, but boy did she prove the critics wrong, An AMAZING PERFORMACE! and this is another one to watch for future along with Georgia James who I didnt mention in this but she is super amazing, like she is phenomenal like not good but phenomenal and done her character more than justice. The cast had so many good people a Girl called Ije another girl called Chantelle Yeboah, My future housemate Alfie Webster playing someone who is completely the opposite of him, he plays a rebel an Anarchist, and he played this role so well created amazing pictures for the audience to view and it’s so nice to see him show people how good he was, because he worked hard on it, so proud lol!

The list goes on and on it was really a phenomenal cast can’t say it enough. Anyways my I’m getting off the tube now London bridge I am here have a meeting with some potential funders(ideas Tap) ciao bye adios

Trying to get this up to date, but reckon its DOPE so far?

3rd Post of The Acting Diary, Reckon This Is Dope?

 

29th April 2011. I know I only wrote on here yesterday but I just felt like writing again, it’s beginning to kick In on how close our show is(Shakespeare Show, Henry VI Part Two) and the amount of pressure we have, well Im feeling some, but it’s pressure I thrive under. I heard yesterday the rest of my cast for the play that I’m in had a fantastic rehearsal, I wish I was there to be involved but I wasn’t lol, but I’m so happy that they had a fantastic rehearsal and this is like the 2nd to last lap of the race, were almost on the last lap(performance) and this is the part we really need to be take command and control and that’s what the cast seem to be doing.

What do I think of the show? Hated the play, grown to like it, hated my characters grown to like them, hated the director growen to love him. It’s one of those things where I really wish I had a bigger part and there are people who have bigger parts who I honestly think mmmmm, but is that just me or do most actors have that feeling "wish I had a bigger part" "how can they get that part" but I’ve grown to realise that people are coming to watch the show and this is where they will judge, and I may not have long on stage but I will attempt to make my scenes remembered. Plus the director knows what he wants and has more experience so need to just go with his judgement right?  Also I’m part of an ensemble  and we have become a family and I want all of the members of my family to do well, there is alot of very good actors in this family, names that you should/will remember after the show in 5days. When people come and watch our show they will be seeing some of the stars of the future, okay I’m going to stop now because I’m on the tube and I feel like the person next to me is attempting to look at what I’m writing and laughing LOL, until next time “Notes"

Second Post Of This Acting Diary I've Been Writing whenever I take time to reflect

Okay I haven’t done this in a long time, but today is the 28th of May 2011, and yes 2011 crazy right last post was like MONTHS ago, but today I just felt like writing because I done a shoot for RM Smart boards and it was AMAZING! like literally amazing, fun and productive, met some more people and also a boy who is considering wether or not to come to BRIT he got a place so I told him to make his choice wisely, but yeah off that!

Never had so much fun doing a shoot, I've done quite a few, NSPCC, Warner Bro's Theme Park, Tango, SB Language book, but yeah this one was soo much fun. The crew were amazing and fun and lovely people always looking after us and were also good in knowing what they wanted it and how they wanted it done. Make up artist Paul Xavier, was amazing, such a character and someone I hope to meet again, always laughing and making us(cast and crew) laugh, he has this distinctive chuckle that everyone just remembers, he got on well with me and this other girl named Makenna especially as we were older than the other 4 kids so he was allowed to be cheeky and no mind his langauge so much.

Shoot finished and we was hugging eachother in cast and crew and it’s just crazy to think how much I enjoyed the shoot and wouldn’t mind doing it for free, completly forgot about were getting paid, and that’s because we were doing our hobbie, crazy I'm doing something I lovedoing whilst getting paid for it to the extent where I completly forget its a JOB Aaaargh words can’t explain, how much I don't want these opportunties to stop.

So I’m on the tube now just listened to Jessie J(Ex Brit Student) singing Who You Are the acoustic version and She just says at the end “believe in yourself, know that you can achieve anything you put your mind too, be a go getter”and that just means so much to me, especially now at this very moment maybe cause I knew I loved doing what I do but now I actually felt it, and I havent felt that actual feeling in ages…so watch me be a go getter, write again soon x

Okay Bare With Me, I have this like acting diary I created and I'm going to start putting out here, hope you like..will probably hate it....I haven't changed anything like it say it's always a freestyle

Trying To Make A Personal Acting Diary…19-10-10…First time I’ve gone to rehearsal at hampstead theatre in like 3 weeks!!(I’m part of a young actors theatre company) Missed the other weeks cause of random stuff like illness. I came back with an attitude to let the director know that I am there and even if I missed the last couple of weeks i am still on point and one of the bests(in the sense I'ma work my ass off) I didn’t do this verbally like abusive or giving attitude, I done this by showing extreme positive attitude and providing good energy and a strong rehersal. I see this one as possibly my last heat and light performance, school and work and this is hard to juggle all at once and I’m just scraping it at the moment. I do have dreams of a space in the theatre being named after me and even performing on the main stage at Hampstead Theatre. This place has become special to me now, It’s opened my eyes to the beautful art that is performed on stage from my narrow mind which used to be “theatre is boring”.

I have learned So much from the people like Debra glazer(Director) and Sean Mahoney(mentor) and have made great friends like Layla, Cavell, Nickwitj,Jay, Victoria. The aim now is to just seriously become the best, that’s what I wanna become, to be known as the best..like eminem says “Success Is My Only Mothafuckin Option Failures NOT”

Tumblr's Cool, but I got bored of Just Pictures, I wanted some text, some emotion

Wrote This On 11/05/11

Yeah Tumblr, supposed to be a blog right not just a picture blog right? Cause Blogs filled with just pictures BORES ME like its not DOPE its just NOT NOT NOT DOPE!

Got have some text in here some emotions, some thoughts…don’t you agree? For Now its all just people reblogging the same pictures OVER AND OVER AND OVER again...Still have love for Tumblr though...
 
So I told you in the last post I’m an actor…in training and FAME-LESS..

So tonight I was helping out at school…Zee BRIT School and one of the heads of Theatre Department who is also the deputy of the school came up to me and explained how some of the teachers had seen me coming in an hour earlier then everyone else so before school starts and warming up by myself and getting myself ready, he continued to say that this is extreme dedication and said he can see me “making it”.

It’s crazy to think how words of praise and encouragement like that can really inspire you and push you even more to achieve those dreams of yours in my case its acting but whatever your dream is sometimes words of encouragement or praise can give you a smile that nice feeling inside you that makes you want to push even more…make you believe abit more in your self, seeing people notice how much you want this dream of yours, get me?

I Just feel happy to be honest, I don’t double check what I wrote so if there is grammer mistakes or literature mistakes I apologise but when I’m writing I want it to be a freestyle a DOPE freestyle so it’s completley honest and real…

30 YEARS Since Bob Marley Died, so ONE LOVE

Trying To Be A Dope Ass Actor..

This Dope Ass Tumblr For A Dope Ass Dude That Is Trying To Be A Dope Ass Actor..Okay I Should Really Stop Saying Dope... 

Okay So this dope ass dude has now moved to BLOGGER...

Okay so this is like the first time im posting on this(Blogger)…I said my Tumblr would be dope once i had my background fixed, but as soon as it got fixed I didn’t do anything which is really silly cause I had dreams of this being dope…and now its not DOPE!!

Reading the beginning of this blog you would think I say the word DOPE alot, but I really DON’T! I think in my head of using the word DOPE which means cool, but it sounds funny weird when most people in england say it..I Think its an America thing..well it is an American word, talking about America I have big dreams of moving over there..

I do acting well Theatre but its basically acting, study at this Prestigious place they call The BRIT School…might of heard it singers like Adele, Jessie J, Amy Winehouse, Leona Lewis blah blah went there can’t really name any AMAZINGLY Successful actors that went there,but shout out to Nathan Stewart Jarret(Misfits) and Ashley Madekwe(Secret Diary of a Call Girl) because they working to get there, but guess its my job now to change that with a bunch other amazing other people in this talented year group im currently in… Im going to post some more stuff later, and this blog will basically be about my life and acting..and movies and theatre, and tv and follow me on twitter @JayGasAlex
THE END

P.S.
Bare with me this is all freestyle like I don't plan and edit or use fancy notes I'm just a kid saying what he feels..