Lying on bed, just spoken to agent and I think I'm going to get dropped "to discuss where things go one from here" have a meeting with them in a few weeks. My heart is beating uncontrollably fast and hard against my chest.
A couple of months ago, or if this was a movie I'd cry, but for some reason, I just feel a coldness. I envisioned this moment happening in nightmares and look it's happening. I take phone and laptop and begin to deactivate my Facebook, delete my twitter and Instagram accounts, don't even know why, I guess it's my attempt to escape . Then I come to you, my blog....the only person I sometimes feel I can talk to without holding anything back... The irony of that statement due to the fact I'm talking to myself and I then post a link so whoever who wants to see it can...
My last blog post spoke out me seeing some light and begging for it not to disappear on me... I guess it did disappear.
Aaah man.... We give our lives to something we love for it to only be the thing that kills us on in the end....
"I always fantasize if I had went to college instead
Would I be happily married instead of broke and unwed?
My nigga made a major move I said I hope for the best
I told my sister as I kissed her cheek I’m better off dead
Fucking with this white, it’s all been downhill like a sled
Now listen, I understand they say you make your own bed
But tell me who supplied these sheets with this cheap ass thread
In denial about the feds, he can’t see past bread
Now do exactly what the man in the ski mask says, okay?
These are the times, survival my only crime
I gotta be on my grind, a lot of my homies gone
Inside of me Lord I know, it’s a lie that we gon' be fine
But momma I’m tired of crying, just lie to me one more time" Crunch Time - J. cole.
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