Want to be left alone,but don't want to be left alone with my thoughts though...#Dilema.
Another phone call from the big man today, when I refer to the Big man I mean my biological dad whom I don't leave with but still keep in contact. I always say to myself the moment a kid tells their parent that they want to pursue a career in anything artistic must be a parent's worst nightmare, the parent hopes this is nothing but a faze and for some it is and for those parents "GREAT!". For the other parent's their child has fallen in love with this beautiful artistic....thing. That moment there is scary, both for the parent, but also the child. The parent visions the child being unsuccessful, financially unstable, not prospering in the "general job", not being able to discuss with friend's and family members in a proud tone what their child does, and for those parents whom look at the situation with a wider perspective realise the emotional lows this career may bring. The child is blinded to this as it is in love, however soon after rejection after rejection after rejection and so on the thought of failing and being a bum is one that scares the child, but if your in love with this "thing", there is nothing else you would like to do with your life then.....
Lucky the parents I live with are supportive, but when the lows are so low, you need all your family to be supportive.
I watched Glastonbury over the weekend from home and seeing everyone over there happy made me happy, I just want to be happy. I keep getting asked why are you going to so many festivals (Secret Garden Party, Rototom Sunsplash Reggae Festival, Outlook Festival & Bestival), my answer is simple. I want to be happy and I'll pay excess money to be happy, especially in a year that has been low after low.
(It's scary, these lows are killing me, and the reason why I say it is scary because I'm pretty sure there are some more lows to come which will be lower than this.)
WARNING. EXTREME LOWS.
State of mind is one which is extremely weird at the moment, because I am filled with joy and love that my peers some whom I see as family (see as family Dass, Hannah, Omar, Corey, Andrew, Amarah, reason why I see them as family, is because they call when I don't call, text when I don't text, they know the lows that I am going through and go out of their way to help, without me asking no matter how busy they are, and that right there is a trait of love, honest love) are all doing well and I couldn't state that any clearer, I have friends in stage shows, feature films, getting into drama schools, on Tv shows, going university, getting signed to agencies and like I said above brings me great joy, but where my career is at such a low(standstill), my emotions are at such a low that I am drained, that the highs and love I have, that I want to share with these people isn't fully showcased which is extremely frustrating, by no means is this jealousy(if it was I wouldn't put it out here....-_- ), it is simply the battle of emotions and the results of the human whom in this case is I, being emotionally drained.
<3
Out.
Stressed. *Sigh*
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