Interlude: The craziest and hardest thing about writing a honest blog filled with emotion and it being released to the world is it making sense to everyone else...So what do you do? Don't write it for the purpose of someone else(the world) write it for yourself.
On way to work with it only being yesterday that I had come back from the best weekend of my life, a weekend filled with no stress, but only music, a large field, 50,000 people showing each other love, alcohol, other naughty stuff(Lol) and wildlife costumes. A weekend that inspired me, I was inspired by life.
The last few weeks(month and a bit) have been of stress, rejection after rejection, failure after failure, getting closer and closer but not quite getting there. "There" meaning my first professional credit, my first role, my first piece of professional work. I've been in a position that not many people(already auditioning) are fortunate to be in (I think) in the sense of getting constant auditions like twice and three times a week(and in JULY- AUGUST- Olympic time), that sounds all good, but with that came constant rejection, blow after blow and not being able to necessarily recover completely but yet having to go to another audition and hear of rejection again and with that <<< came stress. I had noticed how bad it had become when I was in the car with one of my friends who said "I can hear it in your voice, your breaking, your letting it get to you, your giving up". Words that I never thought would be said to me, words to people who know me as Mr Believe would never relate to me, but yes like the actor Ben Chaplin & many other great actors have said "there comes a time when you as an actor question yourself and ask yourself can I do this?" and I believe these last few weeks have been that exactly for me, me questioning myself.
So having a weekend filled with love and happiness, stress free was just what was needed, I was inspired by life and love, love being the reason why I want to act, because I love this art form and want to do it for as long as my life allows me to and life being in a position where you have the opportunity to make this dream of mine a reality. These last few weeks I haven't loved it, I've seen it as a job and not an an expression of art. The weekend taught me to enjoy and love again, a weekend I truly see as one the greatest weekend of my short life, for many different reason, the loving energy that was shared with me being a reason for it. I'm not saying my first credit will come very soon(like one of my older posts), what I'm trying to say is that I have the feeling of love and life back in me.
P.S. Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen
Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.
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