I Dream more when I'm awake than when I'm asleep

 
Prologue: People sometimes get the impression having an agent if you do acting or having a label if your in a band or singer is the breakthrough like the big moment, like your raise to stardom, well let me tell you something...ITS NOT!! My Idelogy which I created myself  is Not having an agent or a label is like being born prematurely and having an agent is like being born on time. There's not a massive difference your both born, you both still have to learn how to walk and talk etc, you both still have to put in hard work.

26th May 2011, another audition, today's one for a drama. Routine for audition day, wake up have a fat ass breakfast, watch drakes documentary "Better Than Good enough"(cause that shits inspiring to me) shower, voice exercises, prayer and off to the audition.

When I get to the audition I like to get there early, there's this stereotype that black people are always late(LOL)..I break the stereotype in todays case I done more than break the stereotype(got there two hours early) but yeah get to the  audition room, and it's that waiting process now, never really been to an audition where they're running on time so your always waiting, depending on how organised they are sometimes they have like a receptionist or someone to that equivalent apologising for the delay,  you get to a stage where you start seeing familiar faces from previous auditions or tv shows, get used to seeing parents "fixing" their kids, girlfriends/boyfriends with their partner who's auditioning, the kid that's extremely nervous cause it's their first ever audition, the extremely confident and almost vain looking dude sitting down trying to maintain a Hollywood smile just in case their looking for a new zac effron, and not to forget the broken air con so its pretty much always hot, its repetitive this process but you get used to it.

Get into the audition now and the way I've always approached them is to just be yourself really, like show them me, the nice person that people say I am, the charm(lol) well I say always approached them that but thats so hard. Like its hard and alot of the times I don't do that and I reckon thats what lets me down, cause casting directors and assisant directors are looking for not only the right person but also someone thats going to be a breath of fresh air on set, they dont want a complete dick whose too relaxed or a bum suck and I reckon were most people fail in the audition room too yeah the look is alot but its like 75% of it the other 10% on your look on the character, and 15% is what your personality brings to the table.

Sometimes its easy just to be in an audition room and be a bumsuck without even knowing I'm being one, the whole enviouriment of it being an audition and it possibly being my lucky break to almost start my career. The thing you want so much, that you breathe, eat, sleep and even shit about. To be able to start this career that I've always dreamed of, working with people I see as idols and inspire to achieve the things they have and even go beyond that, achieve Oscars, BAFTA's, Cannes Film Festival Awards. The dream of being able to give my mum the things she's always wanted and couldn't have, like I dream of taking my mum to westfilds and buying out the whole LV, Gucci,Prada, Swarvoski store (LOL) I say my mum but I mean my whole family, but my mum so much, I think she's so strong, definatley the strongest person I know male or female she got the skirt but would put on the trousers if needed, & she's sick too but to think she still works her ass off for us to get what we wanted, I think thats incredible wanting to make someone so happy. shes one of the few people who loves me I think uncodinationally & I reckon one day to be able to give her everything she dreams of would be....(speechless)  It gets emotional because I want it so bad, like I'd be a liar if I told you I have never doubted I'd make it, being dropped from projects is crazy, not getting the part, audition after audition, how many times can the human mind take rejection? Like I say I'm doing this for me cause it's what i want to do but not only for me because I know what It could it for others.

People that support me like people supporting me(dont mean like a fan) but just someone geuinley supporting another person is like wow, for you to believe in someone elses dream is beautiful one of the most beautiful things ive seen in life. reckon loads of people say they want something but dont actually want it if that makes sense, they say they believe in it but dont actually believe in it,they say they feel it but have never felt it, and I'm saying all these things in relation to what they want to be or do, in my case acting, so for someone to see it in you is deep.

There's a certain level of insanity necessary for greatness. All pioneers were once considered delusional at some point. <<Yup thats me, I dream more when I'm awake than when I'm asleep. There was like so much emotions running through zee mind in this post I wonder if it even makes any sense, cba to check it, its a freestyle

So this post is finished now, you gonna laugh?